This week I’ve been investigating Control, in response I’ve been managing fear.

Funny how they work together…

F.E.A.R

Whenever I think about those tense times when I need something to happen, fear always seems to be lurking. Maybe it’s fear that fuels the need for control—or maybe the need for control fuels the fear. I’m not entirely sure.

I have an installation going out this week. I’ve been worried about it since I started the project a hundred days ago. I’ve worked on it every week, tending to it carefully, reluctant to show it to others in case it’s not ready. Even now, I still feel it’s not ready.

Another week, my mind screams—just wait a bit longer. But the reality is, it will never feel ready. I called a friend for advice on stage fright this week. Over the past few months, I’ve seen it creeping in, affecting everything.

There it waits, latent. Every time I want to create or make progress, it rears up, warning me to be afraid. Even when the curtains are down, the lights dimmed, and the stage empty—I’m scared.

But it’s invented fear. There’s nothing to fear if I don’t worry about the outcome. Yet over time, my mind fills with what-ifs, things that could go wrong, possibilities I’d never have considered had I shared the work three months ago. But I didn’t, and now I’ve watched it, nurtured it, and seen it become something I care about.

Its success—or failure—has become tied to my ego, and I’m here, waiting to put it out, knowing something will go wrong, and my ego will take a hit. But why do I care so much? Why am I afraid? It’s just a story I’ve created.

Success is a myth—I know that. But here, at this moment, I crave approval and validation. It feels like it justifies the time and energy I’ve spent. When someone says, “Hey, that’s good,” it means it wasn’t all for nothing. But deep down, I know I’ve already gained what I needed just by standing there as the curtain rises.

I’ve beaten the demons.

Everything that follows is just a bonus—a new challenge, a new hill to climb, and all I have to do is keep moving.

So if you’re tangled up in fear right now, don’t worry about it. You can’t control what happens, but what I’ve realized I can control is how I stand when the curtain opens, ready for whatever might come.

Ultimately, we’re only in control of our thoughts; everything else is at the mercy of the world around us.

Halloween

Wishing everyone a fantastic Halloween weekend.

If you’re looking for some confidence in your costume, just remember: everyone’s wearing a mask anyway—today, you just get to wear one you can take off.

Once, I went to a fancy dress party at a Miami mansion dressed as a skeleton, only to realize it wasn’t a fancy dress party, and I was the only one in makeup. Overwhelmed with anxiety, a service dog from one of the guests came to comfort me, and I ended up getting sick in the bathroom.

Now, dressing as a skeleton at Halloween reminds me of how far I’ve come.

New moon

It’s a New Moon and Samhain.

Welcome to the dark half of the year.

Take care of yourself—you’re what matters most.

New Shop, New Stuff

Trying out something new.

Take a look and let me know what you think

https://shop.hotgirlslikeart.com

Poets’ corner

Every week for the next month, we’ll be inviting a poet to respond to the current theme we’re exploring together.

It’s a curated, unfiltered space for raw exploration, and I hope you enjoy what unfolds.

This week’s poem delves into the theme of Control.

Control of Poetry

A mouth becomes a waterfall
And drops back to the source,
Ignores the form of gravity,
Spins the point of south to north,

To west, to east, to all direction
With everything at once to say.
Does anything get said when there
is everything at once to say?

Let’s bind that course in counts,
In counts and lines and rhyme,
Meander thoughts a little longer,
Erode a depth to shallow mind,

Let’s reach the sea in rhythms,
By the rules of currents rolling free,
Let loose lips tighten, let senses heighten,
Let in control of poetry.

Info

Next Installation - London

31st October
Mayfair 2000

1 November
Soho 1900

2 November
Chelsea 1111

With love

R

Teaser

Teaser for the new item.

Come see an installation and test it out.