This week I’ve been exploring Fear.

It’s been a complex week of understanding, learning, and acceptance - but these weeks are full of growth.

If you’re feeling intimidated by the long winter nights, this is for you.

The Shadow of Fear

Fear is a strange companion. It whispers in your ear, stands in your way, and yet somehow keeps you moving. For me, fear is often the reason I don’t do the things I most want to do. It’s a contradiction I’ve been wrestling with this week.

I just came back to the UK after a trip to uncover the source of my inspiration—the thread that could carry me through my career as an artist. I wanted to understand what keeps people creating, even when the path feels uncertain. But as much as I told myself this trip was about exploration, it was really about confronting a question I’ve been avoiding: What if this isn’t the right path?

A Long-Delayed Journey

For months, I’d been putting it off. Every time the idea came up, I’d think, “Not today. I have too much work. It’s not the right time.” But the truth was simpler—I was terrified.

Terrified of showing up and finding that the thing I’d been chasing wasn’t what I hoped it would be. That no matter how much I poured into my work, it might not be enough.

When I finally went, the fear hit me as soon as I arrived. It was like walking into a wall. I spent the first day frozen, unsure of myself, trying to untangle what I was feeling. But fear isn’t something you can outthink. It doesn’t sit politely while you dissect it. It demands to be felt.

The Lesson of the Fall

On my second day, I stumbled—literally. Walking through the exhibit halls of the Venice Biennale, distracted by my thoughts - I tripped and fell. Embarrassed, I sat there for a moment, staring at the polished floor, trying to laugh it off, onlookers trying to understand if I was part of the show. But something clicked in that moment.

Fear isn’t a polished, towering wall; it’s messy, unpredictable, and often smaller than it seems. The fall reminded me that mistakes and missteps are part of the process. The fear hadn’t disappeared, but it felt less like an obstacle and more like a shadow—a reflection of something deeper.

Returning to the Studio

When I got back to London, winter had arrived. My studio felt colder than usual—both literally and figuratively. The heater was broken, my winter clothes were still packed away, and everything about stepping back into work felt heavier.

The fear came rushing back: What am I supposed to be working on? Where do I even start? The ideas I’d gathered on my trip suddenly felt too big, too complicated. I was overwhelmed by the weight of my own ambitions.

But this time, I remembered the fall. I reminded myself that fear is part of the process. It doesn’t need to be conquered—it just needs to be carried.

The Nature of Fear

Fear isn’t just about failure or rejection. It’s about meaning. It’s about the question that sits quietly in the back of your mind: What if this doesn’t matter?

Maybe that’s the fear we all share—that we are alone, and that our creations, our efforts, might not echo as loudly as we hope. But perhaps the answer isn’t in the echo. Perhaps the act of creating is enough.

Creation, at its heart, is an act of defiance. It says, I’m here. I exist. This is what I see, what I feel, what I want to share. It’s a declaration that fear may walk beside us, but it doesn’t define us.

Finding Joy in the Process

As I sit here writing this, I don’t know where this journey will lead. But I do know one thing: it’s supposed to be fun. If fear is the shadow, then joy is the light. They exist together, and neither can erase the other.

This week, I’m reframing my process. Instead of trying to control everything, I’m allowing myself to think out loud, to experiment, to edit as I go. I’m learning to dance with fear instead of letting it hold me back.

Where are we going

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. It means something to me that you’re here, that you’re curious about where this path leads.

Wherever you are in your own journey, I hope fear doesn’t stop you from taking the next step. Even if it’s messy or uncertain, every stumble is part of the game, and everyone behind you just thinks you’re dancing.

You deserve joy, love, and peace.

R

:)

Poets’ corner

This week’s poem delves into the theme of Fear.

A Gun In My Face

I believed all I read,
Ended up in a mess,
An anxious mind,
A cold heart in my chest,
I looked for optimism,
I managed to score,
You can put your gun in my face,
Because I’m not frightened anymore.

Throw me in the dark,
Lock the door,
Stand me on an edge,
Push me to the floor,
Sign my name up,
Send me to war,
Put a gun in my face,
I’m not frightened anymore.

Entertainment

I made an installation a few months ago exploring fear and power, here’s a trailer

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More to follow,

love you loads

R